Sometimes you have to make a decision, and this is one of those moments.

I have realized that when the world spins 24-7 I have to be more efficient to be able to keep up. To be able to deliver, to be able to find the time to write. Not only because I love it, but also because of the fact that the written word is my therapy. Always have been. Without writing I am not the same, not as happy and joyful, and I hate seeing myself from a distance and get an epiphany that tells you that you are not the same person that you used to be. The person that you created out of tiny pieces from your youth, some sensible and judicious concrete from being an adult and finally, back then, you were satisfied with what you managed to become. Today I am not as pleased with the result of what I am. Sometimes you have to make a decision, and this is one of those moments.

Sometimes time flies, life pass, so fast that it is hard to keep the same pace. Work was crazy, I could feel the anxiety arise. At first I didn’t listen to the signs, but when my body broke down I started to think. I found myself drained on energy and fortunately I have learned from my earlier mistakes so I looked in the rearview mirror and actually did what I should have done so many times before. I took my time, told myself that it was ok to just breathe cause sometimes that is what you need. Inhale. Exhale. Slow and steady. Switch jobs. Sort out and toss people that nourishes on your energy. When you lose yourself you have to find your way back, and it is only up to you.

Gladly I had the time, and today I feel so much better. I still say yes a lot, but I have the guts to say no too. I turn down offers (that often sound like a lot of fun) when and if I feel that I need to rest. Or just want to stay at home, doing something that makes me calm. I do not have to be everywhere all the time. I do not have to be anywhere but right here, right now. In the moment whatever I choose to do. And if my surroundings are peaceful, so am I.

I met someone I haven’t seen for many years. Actually I don’t even remember if I have ever spoken to her more than five minutes, but every time we see each other we say hi, we hug ad we got each other on Facebook. You know that kind of friend, or more acquaintance, that you like but never really got to know. We all got those kind of friends. Anyhow, you could say that we saw each other in a crowed room and started talking. After a couple of hours she asked me about my blog. Told me that she read it from time to time. That the things that I write were filled with recognition. That they affect people and that my opinions are prudent.

Of course I was surprised, but still so grateful. In some way I seem to forget that people actually listen to what I have to say, I am not used to that so the though does not come natural to me. I am glad that I got that reminder though. And in some way her words made me convinced that I had to write officially again. I haven’t published anything in my blog for ages and that sucks. Don’t get me wrong, I have been writing. One time at least. But I never published it, cause it didn’t feel right. I realized that even though I write in English, a language that I master without faults, it is easier to express myself in Swedish. Sometimes the flavor is even more perfect, sometimes it just tastes better. And in one way or another I have come to believe that it takes less time to write in Swedish. Probably a lie, but if the brain believes it, it is smart to go with the flow in the search for more energy.

Therefore I have decided to continue to write, but from now on in Swedish. Hopefully I will write more often, probably it will be more colorful. Guaranteed is that I will be overflowing with joy and energy.

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