The final countdown


The 25th of every month, and for me also 27th, means paychecks and money in the bank. I feel like a true adult when I realize that I earn more than I spend even though I am not cheap in any way. Frightening. Took a walk on the wild side and applied for my first Amex, thinking that they probably would deny me because of several reasons like age, gender and income, but they didn’t. Instead, after some research and extractions on their behalf, they said that there was only a 0, 8 % chance that I wouldn’t be able to pay my bills and that they saw me as a sure thing. I laughed out loud when I got that notification. I can’t count, I do not care about costs at all, but sure, I would never live beyond my means. Still, it was funny, me and my economy – two contrarieties – together we were safe according to a huge company that should understand digits. In my head, so strange, but then again opposites attract. And for them to accept me and my expenses, that must mean that I am turning into an adult for real. I just forgot to tell them that I quit my day job without signing with a new company. That I am this impulsive creature that follow my heart instead of doing what many people say is the grown up way to act. No, I am not an adult, not just yet. But the final countdown has started, I am turning 35 in October. Still, I do not really know all my goals for the future just yet, but I am working towards something better on all levels, that I know. The important part right now is that I am enjoying myself. And an upcoming summer is the perfect time for enjoyment, I see it as months of pure fun until it is time to even think about settling down.

Looking forward to a hot summer in Stockholm, we will travel some but most of the time I will be here. People have been asking me lately what’s been up, if I have done some treatments or something else to my face since apparently I am glowing. Honestly I haven’t done anything except enjoying springtime and flattened my hair, but I have also seen a difference. I actually saw myself in the mirror when trying on some clothes at H&M and realized that I have become somewhat beautiful, that I in some way have grown in to my face. And that the keratin treatment might be the best thing that I have ever done, which probably is the reason for my newfound self-esteem. Got stopped on the street by a man who was looking for models and wanted to take my photo, which was a huge boost of course. He was not interested at all when I told him my age though, but still. Still a boost and boosts are good for you, I think the sun brings out the best of me and my hair. I booked another hair treatment as soon as I got back to the office and I paid for it with my new Amex. Very mature.

There are so many new people in my life. Got to know my new colleague who is the same age as me. Spoke about deep stuff like our tattoos, how we both spent time at Ibiza and Magaluf, the way we both have lived and how he ran like hell when he got to know that he was to become a father. And how he came back after 2 weeks of reflections, a decision that he describes as the best one that he has ever made. Great guy and a great story. Met my new neighbor who recently got back to Sweden after several years abroad, lovely girl who has taken sort of kind of the same path that I took some years ago. Broke off an engagement, worked out like crazy, bought an apartment, started a new job, moved back to start a new life, started one more job, redid her apartment and finally got all her shit together in a beautiful way. I totally recognize every step of her way, I have taken them myself, and I am so glad to see that she is happy. And that she is my neighbor.

For the past year I have had that feeling that I am getting ready for something, that I am waiting for that great revelation that will change my life. Suddenly I feel it approaching and I do not know what it is, but I am preparing myself for something huge because there is a countdown, the final one. My gut tells me that the changes is around the corner, but until then, I do not want to grow up. I am enjoying every bit of the ride, sure of the fact that there are so much more to come this summer, it has already started. I will keep you posted.


I don’t wanna grow up – by Bebe

I don’t wanna grow up, no I don’t wanna grow up

I’m still naive

Young, wild and free I don’t wanna hear it, no I don’t wanna feel it

Don’t lecture me Just let me be If love is a lie It’s the most beautiful lie that you’ve ever been told

Cause nothin’, nothin’ makes me feel like you do

Even though I see through you If love is a lie

Then please don’t ever tell me the truth

Cause nothin’, nothin’ makes me feel like you do

Even though I see through you   I don’t wanna live it, no I don’t wanna live it


Just not for me Like cheap tequila

Makes you sick but it tastes so good

Feels good on your lips, take a sip

Just one more hit I love it when you do it, when you do it like this

When you do it, when you do it like this